have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
