Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
