Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
