I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
