I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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