I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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