last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
