shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My feet surprised me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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