I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
