Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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