i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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