I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
