I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
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Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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