I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't EVER smell your tampon
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
