his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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