I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
