You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
