i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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