Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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