I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
