if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
