Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
