i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
