I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
