I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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