you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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