I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
