so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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