almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
