Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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