First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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