3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
