I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
