Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
