I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
