I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
