were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
