I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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