The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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