so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it wasn't lemon gatorade
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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