If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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