I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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