I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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