We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
