I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
