Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
