Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
