i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
