God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
