dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
