Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize