Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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