i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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