The maid of honor just puked.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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