I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize