wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
